Yes Open Eyes, it was really a lot like what you describe. When talking to my sister it seemed an eye-opener to her that I had been going through similar rough times (negative experiences in romantic love), while I never asked my sister for help because I did not want to burden her/didn't have the feeling she would udnerstand. She literally said: "oh, so you also think about how sharing your problems could affect the other person" as if it were the first time she gave that a thought. Who knows, it may let her think about it...

And to answer your question (a very interesting one): I didn't realise this for a long time. Throughout my youth I had always felt like I had to tune in a 100% into the needs of others, and my emotions and gut feelings always felt extremely inadequate.
The difference between my father and I is, I guess, that he chose to love my mom, whereas for me it is a given fact. I don't see my father as that submissive, because he just knows how to walk away when my mum rages, and then doesn't try to make her accountable once the rage is over. It's the way he deals with it, and otherwise he finds her a loving partner.

As for me on the other hand, I "centralised" this raging behaviour and as a child and young adult I was always seeking for justice, which of course had only reverse effects. So in a way, perhaps my attempts to avoid becoming an enabler were cut off.