i can partly relate to your struggles as i also don't know what my passions are i think. The main difference seems to be that i still feel rather bad while you're starting to Live finally. i'd suggest to try some of the things that catch your attention if there are any. Sorry if it isn't really Helpful but if there's anything that even mildly interests you do try it out. Hopefully it will then get easier from there although i am not sure. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Whereto52, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!