Quote:
Originally Posted by will19
Quote: "Is he correct that I should hang on to him without him criticizing?"
I felt like that sentence was in a slight error. It should have said "with" instead of "without". Sorry about that! Because he told me that he wants to hang on to me but does not want to stop criticizing. I was upset at myself when I read that sentence and it was too late to correct it.
Well, anyways, I want to thank all those who have replied to me so far and I gave you all "thumbs up" or a"thanks for saying that". It touched me with your replies.
To set a record straight (I forgot to mention it on my original post), he's old (86) and not in the best condition. He can hardly see (almost legally blind), can't hear well (has hearing aids), and cannot walk well. He told me one time that he's depressed because of his conditions. He used to be able to get around very well until recently. It would make sense that he's being critical because he's just not that well. He's probably envious with me being able to get around with ease and that he wished he could be like that, like he used to.
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Please don't take what I write below personally as it's merely to learn more information about your friendship with this 86 year old man. I can't advise you without first asking for more information that I believe will help me see the big picture.
1. Who befriended who? How did you two become friends?
2. Are you friends with him because he is "safe" emotionally and psychologically for you? That is to say, b/c he is elderly with his health problems, so he cannot really "hurt" you other than his criticisms?
3. What is mutually beneficial for him and you about being friends with each other? How do you each bring something positive to the other person in this friendship? What do you offer him? What does he offer you? Why are you two friends?
4. What would happen if you ended your friendship with him? What would happen to you emotionally? Psychologically? Would you have anxiety? Would you view yourself friendless? Is he your only friend?
5. Have you ever asked him why he criticizes you? Have you ever set up the boundary with him, that you will leave as soon as he starts to insult and criticize you? Or do you stay with him while he's mean to you and enable his behavior with silence?
I think this is a situation reflecting your choice of no boundaries with a man who is clearly toxic to your well being. You have not written how he improves your life, as much as you've written about how he hurts your feelings.
You claim you will not end the friendship with him despite his criticisms of you. Knowing that, I don't think it's advice that you want. I think you just needed to vent here about it, which is totally fine. Next time, just write "vent" in your post title.