Quote:
Originally Posted by will19
1) He befriended me first. We met at a church I was going to (I longer go there). He wasn't something I was looking for in a friend, being older than me, but I was friendless at that time. This happened about 10 years ago.
2) I've known him for a while and he knows me. At first, he was in better shape than he is now plus he wasn't as critical. He was a little bit at that time but not nearly as much as now.
3) I guess it's because, between the two of us, we are all that we have for each other. There's no one else like me in his life, though he has a few casual friends. He's all that I have, but I have a few distant friends. The biggest benefit to me in his friendship is when I feel like I'm in trouble, he can comfort me. Lately I've had some concerns that are too hard for me to deal with alone such as health and financial. He has given some good advice for me.
4) I have split up with him a few times, but we take each other back. He calls and says that he misses me a whole lot. And then I have had some difficulties so he seems to be the only one to turn to for it. Although I will have to say that, during the times when we had split up, I was able to sleep better.
5) The answer to that one is because he feels like he's trying to make me a better person. He's trying to be like a "Dad" with me, I guess. He has a son and daughter who are far away from him. So maybe he wants someone to be like a Dad to. I have hollered at him quite a few times and really got mad with him. I've told him many times that I don't like him criticizing and what he had said offended me. But he doesn't get it and recently he told me that he refuses to stop the criticizing.
Overall, I want to replace him but it's been difficult for me to make that happen. I don't make friends very easily and I've done all of the "getting out there to meet others" and it didn't work for me. So I hope the question has been answered. This is very difficult for me.
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Thank you for answering my questions, Will. Now that I have the full picture, it makes sense why you keep your friendship with him.
I think you can keep his friendship as long as you practice your boundaries with him and maintain those boundaries. You don't have to take a break from him, but you can just verbally warn him when he crosses the line with you, that the consequence is, you will leave and not talk to him or something like that, until he stops his dad advice.
I think he's definitely projecting his existing fatherhood with his distant children, on to you, b/c you let him do it. So, you fulfill his need to father a younger person since his two children live far away from him.
And since you had a bad relationship with your father, he sort of acts like a replacement. Correct?
I've been where you are with the Meetups etc. and it's no picnic. People are a pain. So I understand your dilemma. I hope that you can figure out a solution for you both that has a positive outcome.