Thankfully, I've gotten through many difficult years of life. I'd say 'the cloud' of abuse started when I was 5 and continued on for about 20 years.

Looking back, I feel a lot of grateful feelings, grateful that when I felt like giving up and feeling alone, I didn't sink into that feeling, somehow. That my experience taught me the value of being an independent thinker in the face of constant cognitive dissonance etc...

In many ways it has served me in strength but sometimes I have moments now, where although I am free of such abuse, and liberated from constant mind trash that I still find myself either feeling guilty, sorry for myself, or just sad?

I wonder how much I missed, or feel annoyed that my greatest accomplishment is surviving something that in many ways seemed unnecessary? Sometimes it makes me feel 'behind' that given how determined and optimistic I can be, how that could have been used for general life purposes instead of dispensing my resources for abusive situations... and perhaps I wouldn't feel somewhat emotionally tired now... Anyway.

For now what keeps me sane is my sense that it wasn't for 'nothing' and trying to use this constructively.

Do you ever feel this way? How do you deal with Post abuse symptoms?