It wasn't about the staying up late. It was about her wanting you to read her mind - she meant something different. You are right about that. The problem is in the communication, and communication problems are huge in a marriage.

It sounds like she has a way to go as far as recovering from issues with her mental health, and this really comes down to her being willing and able to continue to work on those issues or not. You seem to be trying to find answers and willing to take an honest look at your side of this situation. Good work in taking it to her and talking about it.

Rome wasn't built in a day, but it was a process with everyone on board and working. What you have to decide is whether you are both on the same page in starting and continuing that process, or whether that process is even going to happen. It won't happen quickly, and it very well may require both of you to be willing to work on your own issues individually with a therapist and even perhaps some marriage therapy.

With my husband, we were both on board, both in individual therapy, both willing to see our part in the dynamic, and both able to make the changes needed to improve our communication and personal boundaries (really the root of the matter). It took a few years of working on it - it wasn't a quick change. But it did happen and our marriage greatly improved. But it takes two.