Oh sweetheart, your story is rough. I too have suffered criminal abuse my entire life. I never reported anything. Please, you've gotta rise up & forget everything you've known & start Anew. U wrote you're 70. I don't want u to suffer another day. Please live in the present of today. U deserve to be happy today & do things u enjoy. U need decent sleep. I know lack of sleep causes alot of problems. Live in the present of today. What are some things u enjoy doing? U can't change what happened in your past & abuse put unto you, by others. Try to change your way of thinking, today. U need a good therapist to help u & give u tools. I never received therapy, myself. But I like to read psychology & psychotherapy books. I am changing my mindset with tips I read about. It depends on what applies to your suffering. I really want u to be happy! U said you've forgiven everyone, wipe your hands clean of it all. Be happy today. U need decent sleep so u can think clearly. The sleep issue could be causing u undue stress...