I don't want to stir the cauldron, but from what I read it seems like your wife was waited on hand and foot during the entire term of her long illness, and it has given rise to a sense of entitlement within her. I mean for many years she didn't have to work, had zero responsibility towards the kids, she was entirely focused on herself. Most people are not so privileged. I've seen people with terminal cancer who had to go to work in order to put the bread on the table. Compared to the hardships most people go through, with chronic and debilitating illnesses, your wife has had it quite easy. Thanks to you. Now she is behaving rather narcissistically. I don’t think it'll help you to discuss things with her. I strongly recommend therapy for you. You obviously need a place to vent your frustration and do a bit of soul-searching. If I have entirely misread your situation then I apologise. I have no desire to offend you or your family. I just noticed a few red flags, that's all.