thanks LT. In the light of day, i'm sure she was neither surprised nor upset. she was just being honest and it's true I can 'hold it' myself now that I've figured out exactly what "it" is. I will have much to discuss next week. I'm glad she offered next week even though we'd been back to the every 2 weeks schedule. When she asked if I wanted to come next week I said "No, but yes." Ha.

Thanks CE.

I totally get that - have done the false narrative thing more times than I can count in the past. And that's why I was on here in the wee hours this morning talking about what I couldn't talk about with her.

I think for me, at this stage in my therapy anyway, the challenge or 'homework' if you want to call it that is for me to sit with the feelings without constructing the usual false narrative; also to hold my own 'stuff' instead of relying on her to do it (through sending an emotional email like I always used to do). I admit at 1 am my brain was certainly trying its hardest to go to constructing that narrative but I was able to stop it before I got carried away. Thankfully. I see this as growth, whether it is or not, and seeing it that way helps me feel better about all of it. She said something yesterday about how this work, this path, involves suffering that she also thinks it's worth it.

This remains to be seen.