I'm around just got depressed. I'm trying to keep myself busy but honestly I'm just trying to sleep through the day. Our house is a mess and we have inspection in less then a week. We're going to fail and I don't know what happens then. My dad's been in town and he wants me to go home with him for a little. I don't know how much my paranoia will act up. I'm not going to be able to this in a year. I have a serious problem caring. T wants me to be gentle with myself. She doesn't know I still question why not. I didn't think it would bother me so much. It's the same day as my birthday so I didn't want to do anything for it but my extended family made a small party for me today. I don't want to celebrate it. But no one knows that's why. I have a hard time not seeing myself as weak. I guess it's okay. I'm not sui right now. I did harm myself not caring that my computer was to hot for my skin. I can't just mope when I'm up there. I miss them but don't know if going will be best for me. There oblivious to my issues. I can be psychotic for weeks and it not register with them. I'm not bringing my computer when I go up. I don't know why I'm typing all this but I'll stfu now.