She's done a lot for me, in the "life" picture.

She gave me children, she supported me in changing careers, she supported me financially to return to school. We built our lives together. She gave herself to being a part of my huge extended family. She was good to my parents, and open to them.

When I say, I can see her through the mental illness and through the pain, this is what I mean. She was my partner.

Loyalty matters. The thing is, it could have been me who got sick, lost loved ones, lost my career, and crashed into a depression. That's what it means to bind two lives together.

Why not leave? Because of all this. Because of finances. Because she wouldn't have left me if it had been reversed. Because I still get glimpses of her, and I still want that in my life. Because she was a deeply profoundly good and open person at one time and life beat her up. Because God knows I made mistakes during her illness and depression where I really failed to do or say the right thing at key moments.