Hello, so I've been waiting to be accepted into this new course. Honestly it's late at night and I can't help but having negative thoughts and hate to say it but I'm *trigger warning*

I'm having suicidal thoughts. I just keep thinking I'm this disabled retard that can't do nothing and has no value and honestly it truly sucks. All these failures through the years I just don't see myself getting through it and if I do it's gonna take years. I don't see the way out and I don't know my next step and it's very scary. I just want to be normal