This comment sort of epitomizes you, looking at each situation from the perspective of your beloved one.

You could remind the kids that mom is ill. Not that they don't know this. But when they say that you are better than mom, you can remind them that mom is ill atm and this is why she can get difficult. Of course your answers would be different, age-appropriate, for each child.

A good therapist won't say just anything, but rather will help you see good things about you that you might be missing or underestimating.

I have actually lived with someone who was exceedingly difficult. I'm very familiar with someone seizing on what one says and making it the basis for a further enraged attack. When you say that you are a good person, for example, it contradicts the raging, irrational thoughts that are overwhelming her in that moment. Being contradicted fuels her rage.

It's hard to know what to do with her rage. I wonder if you know of the "grey rock" tactic. You could Google it, it means being unresponsive so as to give little for her to attack in her rage and also, importantly, to help minimize instances of rage.

If helpful, be sure to reflect daily for a minute or two on what you have actually done and are still doing in your family.

I think of you with the utmost respect and admiration.