Thank you both for your posts. It's nice to hear from someone so quickly.

Yes, Mickey, it's good I went. Five days prior I had suddenly felt very weak in the shower. I got out and immediately threw up, even though there was little in my stomach. What came up was black, which could have been blood. But I just figured I'ld call my PCP next day, which I did. Well 5 days later, it was clear something was seriously wrong. I spent 5 hours in the waiting room, but the care was very good when they got to me. I was even given a very nice, private room on a unit just for women. I think I kinda miss being there. Staff kept checking on me, and I felt in good hands. I don't need that level of looking after now. Still, I wish I wasn't alone. My boyfriend was a good caregiver when he was able-bodied. I wish he was here with me. Everything would seem different. A friend has been calling me, but I'm not in the mood to hang out with her.

Thanks, unaluna. You seem to know just what I'm talking about. What's awful is that I can't seem to get started to make the place even a little better. I am going to get up in a bit and work on the kitchen. It's very hot here today. My evaporative cooler isn't very effective because it's humid outside. Maybe if I just soaked my feet in a basin of cool water. I don't have the ambition to get into the shower. Then, maybe if I went to the grocery store and picked up some favorite foods. Like you, I'm going to have to be satisfied with making progress cleaning in small increments. They'll add up.

In a few days. I go to see an MD at the clinic where I get my primary care. I think about mentioning that I'm more depressed lately. But I'm afraid he'll just want to refer me to the psych center, which is a place I just hate. I used to get psych care there. They tried me on every med going. Then they recommended ECT. This was back in 2011. Lithium had bad effects on me, about which they didn't believe me. Nothing much at that place was helpful. I went back to just the amitriptyline that I've taken for many years. It's the one drug that actually helps a bit. Ritalin helped a little, but I hesitate to ask for it again.

I wish my family weren't so far away. I have a sister I haven't seen in over 7 years. COVID is the main reason for that. (and that I couldn't go anywhere. while my bf was so sick, which lasted for years.) I could travel now, but I need to stay right here for the tests doctors want to do to identify the origin of my blood loss.

I got fully vaccinated against COVID and thought life would get easier and more normal. But no.

I'll go work on the kitchen. I feel so alone, but I just have to accept that for now. In the evening I usually feel better, compared to during the day.

Thank you both for your posts. Your responses make me feel less cut off from the human race.