Ok so here is the background I am a recently turned 39 years old man. I have been enlisted in the US Army since 2001 with multiple deployments. My spouse is 36 she is a recent government employee as a RN. We have been together for 16 years 14 of them married with two boys one is 8 and the other is about to turn 13 next month. My wife and I are both from the same hometown we grew up down the street from one another and ran around in the same social circles. I persuade her over the years but things never panned out until I moved home during a short break in service. While home we began dating and we were married within 2 years. After getting married she had a job offer in North Carolina so we packed up everything and moved there. While in North Carolina we found out that we were going to have our first child I was unemployed and she was working full time as a EMT at the local hospital. I was struggling dealing with not providing for my family and not comfortable with being a father. I decided that going back to the Army was my only option so I re enlisted. The first few years of our marriage was extremely rough I was in a state of denial that I was depressed and was not supportive of my wife. I could barely take care of myself let alone a new baby and spouse. After re-enlisting in the Army we were stationed in New York for six years things there were rough I was constantly worried more about my job and deployments more than my family. While in New York we had our second son. We then moved to Colorado and then Georgia during both duty stations my anxiety increased along with my denial that I was having problems I began drinking heavily to cope and cut everyone and everything out of my life. She continued to try to fix our marriage I would hear what she was saying but didn’t listen. Recently she finally broke she decided that she was done with our relationship and that she was ok being alone. She picked up a guy at a bar and also had an “emotional relationship” with a co-worker. When after snooping found out about this she told me that she was done and wanted a separation. I panicked and attempted to fix what was wrong with us. We are in marriage counseling we both have individual online counselors and we are both waiting for appointments for in person counseling. Yesterday she finally said that she is done either we live together as if we are separated or she moves out and gets a lawyer. I have no clue what to do I know I have problems and want to fix them and want to fix our marriage but she says this is too much too late. What do I do?