this was a journal entry from a vacation i went on. i was going to put it up as soon as possible, but i never had time, so im going to now.
4-24-08
"Everything just seems to be going wrong. Everything I do is critisized. I've had the most horrible last few weeks than I have in my whole life. My paretns don't think they can trust me anymore. My friends seem to be getting into more fights with each other.

I can't shake this empty and depressed feeling inside me. I can't even describe in words how it feels, but i can say it is jsut simply aweful. I've only felt this bad once before about a year ago, but it didn't last this long. It seems evertime I start feeling a little better, my stomach starts to churn and that same, horrible feeling comes back to me.

I just feel the need to die. I want to go to sleep and wake up somewhere else, somewhere better. Maybe not even at all. I dread speaking to my parents because I am constantly thinking they have something planned for me. (and not in a good way) I just want them to let me live my life, accept me for who I am and not pry into my life so much. They say they're just being good parents, but sometimes I just need my space. I can't take it sometimes.

My cousin, my brother, and even my paretns sometimes, critisize me about every little thing. (Especially my appearance.) It seems like I can't do anything right. They should understand that I can't be the perfect kid they expect me to be. They need to understand that I don't want to be like everyone else. They neeed to understand that I keep secrets from them for a reason and they should just keep their nose out of my business. I keep things from them BECAUSE of their reaction. I guess because of the ammout of things I hide and how many times I've lied, you could call me a big liar. Maybe even pathological liar.

I just want to get away and forget EVERYTHING. I've contemplated suicide, but I know that it would most likely arouse suicidal behavior in a few of my friends, especially my already suicidal one. (plus I have no guts) And Partly because I'm afraid I'd wake up somewhere I don't want to be. I don't want help, as much as I think (need) it. I just want people to let me be me.

I also find myself becoming strongly attatched to people. Like my best friend for instance. I get jealous when I find her talking and cutting up with someone else. I don't know why. I also become attatched to people I don't really know. People I meet on the internet. I feel in love with a guy over the internet even though I know he is unavailable. I fall in love quite frequently, and it hurts me even more when I know I can't be with them.

I've had probably the most horrible past few weeks than I have in my life.I've cried more now than I have in my whole life. And I am one that doesn't cry often. I hardly show my emotions. I've held back more tears than I can count.
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This isn't even the worst I felt. I still feel this way. If anyone has something to say, please do, and I understand if you don't. but is this normal? I need answers. I am so confused right now.

Peace people./