My mother is abusive too. But, I came to the conclusion long ago that she is mentally ill. This has helped me tremendously because I don't take her seriously. She is not all evil or all good either. She has some good qualities that I love, My mother says things to hurt me unintentionally. She is not all there in the head so I just say yes, yes and let it go. My mother is paranoid, abusive, and controlling. She has to have her way. So, I do what I want when I'm not with her. But while I'm with her, I entertain her and her emotional abuse by just letting her vent. I love her still so although she hurt me physically, emotionally, and mentally, I will always love her. Her flaws are huge but she is my mother and there is no escaping her. Yes, I have bad memories of her abusing me. But, she was nice enough to help me when I was psychotic and homeless by allowing me to return home while my father and brother wanted to kick me out. Not everything is black and white. So, I accept her and her flaws now. We get along fine now although she has never changed. I know this is not helpful for you. But, have you ever wondered if your mother is mentally ill? Also, you're still young while I am not. As we age, we mellow out a bit. May be your mother may mellow out too?