So Sorry things are being so hard! Please Do not give up! i agree with the wise and wonderful Yaowen about being So Sorry for what you're going through. Please don't hurt yourself or others. Check yourself at the nearest hospital if the urges get strong. Remember that you deserve to feel better. Try to watch some movies or read something if it can help you distract from these dark thoughts. Hugs. Love. Stay Safe. Stay Strong. You deserve better. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @modestlychee6463, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!