This is a very interesting discussion, proving we all have a different take on life events.

The one question I've asked myself since last contribution is do I love my mother? Sadly, I don't think so. Admire her, for some things yes. To be widowed at 25 with two children under 5, before remarrying 6 years later is definitely a positive to acknowledge. By her own admission, second marriage was a poor decision, He had poor parenting skills and thought physical abuse solved everything. Suppose as a teen and into mid-20s, I wanted to be protective. Now she's in her mid-80s, physical health is failing. What does she do? Alienate me and my aunt who've done a lot for her. My brother always the golden child. Only does what his wife allows him to do.

What really brings this home to me is her attitude. Always had low self-esteem; she claims it's from how her mother treated her (favouring younger sister). Laid-back father who never challenged his wife about anything. My mother has been a widow for over 30 years. Had two man friends during this time, the last one a disaster.

So, why has this come to the fore? After all, there have been many opportunities over the past 40 years (underestimated in earlier post) for me to challenge and walk away. Despite making her life as easy as possible, both before and during pandemic, she can't seem to resist finding fault. If I breathe too loudly, she takes it as disagreeing with what she's saying, so I get pulled up for that. Fortunately or not, I can often sense an outcome before it happens. When she doesn't like the response, the comment is "you're not always right". This is then used like a mantra every few weeks, often having no link to what's being discussed. Oh and don't appear to be happy with life, there's always an attempt to "pop your balloon". Conversely, if you appear unhappy then just accept the figurative kick to ensure you stay down there!

The latest unacceptable comment was "if I was younger I would have taken revenge for what you've done to me". I just can't talk to her at the moment after that statement. Not forgetting the greatest let-down, her disappointment that I never produced a grandchild. Sorry to repeat a lot of what I've already posted in another thread.