I know I can't do so safely. I know it would need stitches. That means a trip to the ER. It means a trip to the hospital. It means I might have to be put into the psych hospital. Sigh. I've reached out to my support people. I had therapy last night. I have an appointment with my care coordinator tonight. Maybe I'll ask her for some hotlines or warm lines. I think I have the text one for self harm in my phone. It wasn't helpful last time. It probably won't be helpful this time. But it can't hurt to try. I'm in a very bad way. The pain is too great. I want to give in and self harm. I don't care that I have almost 18 months clean. But I'll care if I mess up and have to start at zero. That's what I am anyway. A big fat zero.