I'm not surprised you feel confused as well as heartbroken and devastated and everything else. It was nice of her to sit with you and say that she loves you but so incredibly confusing and probably re-traumatising that she could say and do those things yet be adamant that she has to end things right now without proper closure and cause you so much pain. I guess the only reason is what you already said - she's in a really bad place herself in her life and can't think beyond what is going on for her and the belief that she would be harming you if she continued to work with you. She probably can't see that her actions are harming you more by her decision to end so abruptly.

I really truly hope she reads your email and understands how badly you need some sort of closure session. Even with whatever is going on for her, I don't think that is too much to ask. Just one session to wrap up and say goodbye properly. Or else perhaps she could do this via email or a video call if that would make any difference?

I really hope you get some closure you can take with you from all this. For 5 years therapy to end this way is just horribly upsetting and wrong and she must know that deep down.