Yes, that's familiar...I was also given a certain ******** statement by the person about my attitude to them/to the relationship..., not the same claims you received, but I really relate as far as it really stuck in my mind and all that trauma bond thing around it is familiar too. I'm not sure I'll be able to tell you how to leave it all behind fast, it might take more time, it's taken time for me too & I'm still not totally over it, only partially.

What do you think makes you angry and frustrated and upset the most? That you put in a lot and all you got back was this in the end, all this blame, etc? Or is it something else that upsets you the most?

For me, the things they said to me, especially near the end, the worst thing they said, that certain statement, it was all very personal things to say, extremely so, and that's where I got really stuck in it. It all happened to also devalue all my efforts too for that relationship but that was only the second worst thing, not what I was/have been most upset about. I can just call my efforts "sunk cost" really. That part is fine. But the rest....


So I'm noticing one thing, the claims you list, "Oh I must have never loved them" and "I didn't love them unconditionally", they are of course untrue, you would know they are untrue right? That's how it is for me too, I know it's factually untrue and I know my emotions are just not what they tried to describe them as, and I bet you know too, you even explained it here how it's not what your emotions really are.

Yet somehow something made me stuck on it, even if I knew all that, even if I was continually angry and tried to defend myself in every possible way. Somehow it was/has been like emotional gaslighting for me. Do you relate to that at all?

That is what I want to fully extract myself from, and have partially managed so far. What I think for myself is, the strong emotions this person used to try and bull**** to me like that about the relationship and my emotional attitudes, that is where it really made it go deep in my subconscious. And that's where I'm fighting to extract it all and become free of all of it.

It is not easy to get free of all the false narratives, but it can be done, I've done the work partially already. Good luck to that!! and feel free to share more on it on here if you feel it would help.