I had coped well with my grief from Sep 2020 until recently now. A weak ago, I went to the ER c/o terrible weakness and fatigue. Turned out I was severely anemic and needed a blood trasfusion. Then they did tests. They think I have GI bleeding. More work today. If it shows critical anemia values, PCP will send me tomorrow to the ER, where I might get another blood transfusion.
I've been pretty healthy most of my adult life. No surgeries. No big deal health issues. I thought I had a few more years to go before aging would diminish me. But today I could barely walk from my car into Sam's Club to get my prescription.
So I got yearning for my boyfriend. If only he were here, I wouldn't feel so bad and sad and worried and alone. He'ld comfort me. Back when be could walk, be loved to cook for me. I try to imagine him being here now in his healthy state and all the things he would be doing, so eager to see me get better. I kind of take solace in how nice he would be, if he were here. I can see him in the kitchen making one of his specialties and hoping I'ld like how it came out. If my feet were cold, he'ld go get a pair of his warm socks and put them on my feet for me, like I was a kid
He would go to the store and het ice cream for me. Then he would find a good movie for us to watch together.
I still need him. But he's gone.