I'm sorry you even feel compelled to write such things, raging vortex. Are you sure that there aren't things you write in them that could be better just communicated to others verbally (or in a letter), but without the suicide plan? Could it just be that you deep down don't want to really go that far, but still need to (in some way) voice concerns to others? I know it can be hard to say things to those who rarely listen.