Thank you @downandlonely. I appreciate your thoughts.

I have seen a half dozen therapists in the last 10 years and been on and off as many antidepressants. They helped temporarily but I never got better long term. Most seem interested in prolonging sessions as long as possible. Exercise always works better than meds but I'm exhausted and can't seem to stick with it. I know I should go anyway I'm just afraid of never getting better. Like my life is over and I'm the only one who doesn't know.

Thanks again.