Sometimes I am doing something, like chopping vegetables, for example, and my h comes over and intently watches me. It makes me nervous. I ask him if he’d like to do it instead, and he takes over. Heck, if he wants to do the work, let him have at it! It is weird though. Sometimes, depending on if I want to be doing what I am doing, if he does this, it does upset me and I may start to cry in frustration. I have told him to back off and let me do it before, but I more often get frustrated and give up and it often can even trigger an anxiety attack with tears.

I get it about what you call gaslighting. Take just this one dynamic, for example, with the micro managing. How can he continue to do the same triggering thing over and over after he knows it causes a meltdown? ….then he tells you that YOU are overreacting???