Thank you so much LonelyInmyheart. Oh absolutely, so many different thoughts and feelings, they just keep swinging about, one minute I'm ok with it, can wait to see what she says about an ending, accept that I will need to find someone else to do the trauma work with me, feel positive and full of energy, the next minute I feel so low and lacking in motivation, all the Ts seem like complete nutters, I just want my T to finish this with me etc, the next minute I am angry with her for doing this. For not seeing how harmful this is. For not just being able to give me an hour of her time to help process this or help me to find a new T.

So yeah, I need to process it all somehow, and I think I could probably use some support with that. I've been opening up too my friends, which is amazing given that five years ago I didn't even have any friends to open up to, let alone feel able to do it, but there is only so much you can go on about a therapist to them, they care, I'm sure, but if it needs more than an occasional discussion it probably needs therapy...

If nothing else maybe this experience is still teaching me things!