My T has just done this. Ended abruptly. Sessions cancelled and no idea if they will ever start again. If I am lucky I may get a couple of ending sessions in a few months time. I feel upset and abandoned. I feel angry. I feel devastated. I feel heartbroken. I also rationally understand that she has things going on that need her attention and that must be so big that she cannot continue to effectively conduct therapy with her clients. I feel sad for her that this has happened too, and can realise that it is largely beyond her control. She is human and suffers from all the same outside effects, and largely the internal struggles, that I do, so I can try to understand and be patient. But it is hard when you don't know the full story. It is hard when you are in the middle of things. It is hard when you have only recently learnt to start trusting people. It is hard when you don't have a full support network in place and it is hard when you don't have a back up plan.

I have asked my T several times over the years for a back up plan, for what we would do if this happened, but we have never made one. The discussion has always been steered away from it I think.

Complicated by the fact that T has some of my things that we used in session. I took my blanket, but she has a book, she has a canvas I made, she has lots of years of paperwork and 'art', she has a set of dreamcatchers we started to make. I want them back, if we are not continuing, but it feels awkward to ask.

Would it affect the therapy relationship? 100%. Yes. Even if we did start to work again it would take time build up the trust, and I would have to hope that it hadn't been too big a thing for me to forgive. I feel very let down by the fact that there was no back up plan. I feel very let down by the fact that it happened literally in the middle of our session, and that I wasn't given enough time to process this with her. But I am trying to hold on to all of the amazing work that we did. I am trying to hold on to everything that she has been over the last 5 years. Strong, reliable, dependable, warm, kind, helpful, caring, fully dedicated to our work.

Is it fair to feel all these things? Good question. My T helped me to learn that feelings aren't right or wrong, fair or unfair. They just are, and the probably stem from places we don't even fully understand. All we can really do is roll with them, and with the current situation too, and see where they take us, learning to manage them as best we can, opening up about them and maybe even learning from them.