I'm becoming exhausted and just close to the end.

I have been married for 10 years and just had our first child, mind you a child he "didn't want", even though we tried for her. He knew how it important it was to me, to become a mother.

Years leading up to having our daughter, I lost both my parents to health problems. I am fairly young myself, 30 years old. So it's been a lot to cope with.

Over the years, we have fought pretty constant and even separated for a few months.

I want so badly for us to work but I feel like I am hitting a wall.

He is mean.. I'm called every name you can think of, constantly yelled at, told its my fault, I'm sensitive or offended or a child. It even gets physical. Really my fault for that, but it's me trying to beg him I am sorry and can we talk. But he is in red mode and throwing and pushing and I should walk away but stupidly don't.

I feel alone, lost and tired. I raise our child alone and am constantly dismissed, demeaned and unwanted.

I don't even know what I am looking for here... I just had to write this down.. maybe in hopes to hear I'm not alone? I don't know.. I'm just getting tired and depressed and decided to join this forum for... what I'm not sure.. maybe I'll find what that is I'm looking or written for here..