So Sorry! Please Do not give up! No need to blame yourself for things that are mostly out of your control. i think looking up for jobs that may be available for you is not a bad idea but if it's making you feel worse perhaps it's best to wait. Is there any doctor or disability office or some sort if they exist that may help you out with this? i Hope you'll find what you're looking for. Please updated us if possible if you want to. Hugs. Love. Stay Safe. Be Strong. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @black-roses, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!