I ended up eating ramen and a couple candy bars at midnight at then I fell asleep around 12:45 until about 5:30. Then I got up and weighed myself and then I fell back asleep until past 7. I didn’t immediately get into the shower. I watched a bit of TV and I let my mom go first.

Today I feel ok. I went to a couple gas stations before therapy and I got a lot of diet and zero sugar sodas and some zero Gatorade. I went to sonic too for my usual iced teas. I had therapy today and it went well. We talked about the doctors appointments and the surgery. Then we did talk about the transference with my old T. I mentioned the med situations I’ve had in the past and how everything is related to me wanting to lose weight. I mentioned my weighted blanket and my weighted vest. I mentioned my couple oral sensory items and she was fine with that. She asked where I got one of them from. I think from what she was telling me that she knows a bit about this kind of stuff. We talked about the food stuff and I didn’t hold back since she’s switching me anyways. She had me fill out a release of info for the new therapist and said I should be seeing her at the start of September. She was nice but she didn’t really give me help or advice as to why I do the things I do. She just listened mostly. But it’s a lot easier to spill your guts in person to your therapist then to do a session in a closet and try to talk about stuff while family is around. I really hope things don’t close again.

I mentioned how I hate mental health hospitals so I avoid anything to go there. So I often just sleep things off when I take too much meds. She said that is not a good thing to do. I told her I have this theory where you die but continue living in another life because I have no idea how I survived some of my med combinations. I think that freaked her out a bit.

But today went fine and I feel good. I asked her if it was ok if I emailed her once I heard back about my surgery. And she said “absolutely. I’d really like to hear what’s going on so we can discuss it in the next session.”

I really like her but again she didn’t really help me out today since she’s not experienced in the trans or ED stuff. But it was nice that she listened and didn’t show judgement. I hope my next therapist is nice.