I told my therapist today. I started off by saying “this is weird but you know how people with autism have oral fixations? Well I like to chew and suck on things” then I mentioned that I drink out of a bottle and she said “like a baby bottle?” And I said “yeah.” Then I said that I also use a pacifier and that these things really help. She was accepting. Well at least I think she was. She didn’t show any judgement. She asked if I felt ok with myself for using them. And I said yeah but I feel like I’m starting to get dependent on them. She asked if I used them every night. And I said I don’t use the pacifier every night but I use the bottle every night. She asked what I drank out of it and I said water but that one time I tried milk and it didn’t really work out. She asked where I got the pacifier from because she’s heard of adult size ones but didn’t know where you get them from. I told her I got them from Amazon and she said “oh. You can get everything from Amazon.” I mentioned not wanting my mom to know. She asked why and I said “it’s just a personal thing” I said I had to clean it out every morning in the bathroom with hand soap and then dry it with paper towels all while my mom was in the shower and I had about 10 minutes to do it. She said that’s a lot of work. Not sure what she meant by that. It’s very easy to clean mine.

She mentioned to just be aware of my teeth and I said that yeah that was a concern of mine but I use really good toothpaste and mouth wash.

I didn’t tell her about any of the stuff I wear. I’m not sure how she’d respond to that. Although she seems to be aware of the community. At least that’s what I got from our conversation. But the non sensory stuff is very personal and my old old therapist knew but it was because I really trusted her and it still took about a year to tell her and I had to tell her in email.

I may tell her I wear goodnites since those are sensory related too.

But last night I slept with my pacifier for the first time in awhile and except for 45 minutes at midnight I slept a long time with it and it helped me sleep. I woke up later then I normally do because of it.