Hey.
Im trying to be realistic with myself.
From about being 12 years old I was bouncing between by dad, mom and grandparents. I never had so called family. Never had family values implemented into my DNA. I was just living in my world, later virtual one.
It got to the point, 15 years later, that I dont have anything. No feelings to my family, not even one friend, not healthy relationship that ended and put me so down, no college education, issues learning, I messed up myself few months ago with THC oil that gave me anxiety, noise in my years, being forgetful, clumsy etc. Like everything is so hard for me. I have social phobia, I hate talking to people because I have nothing on my mind.

What are the chances if any for me to have any happiness in this life? Honestly if I could end it I would.
Will I have to learn live this life with myself? Being fine on my own, alone? Many times when i finish work I realize that I have nobody to text to, nobody will text me, nobody is waiting for me in the apartment, I have nobody to go to. Like its so brutal. I do feel like a victim of my parents actions that they didnt do any good job raising me. In fact they didnt raise me. I was gorwing up on my own without any tips and guidance. Its so sad to think like that now but its true. My father passed away almost 9 years ago, I still have mom but its like I can see myself in her. In many ways she is like me, very weak person. Nobody to be proud of. I mean i just dont know what to think, do or expect. I know for a fact that not having anyone in life to live for is so empty. There is really no reason to wake up. Nobody is making my life better and i cant make anyones life better. I just work, pay bills, kill the free time, struggle with mental ilness and routine repeats itself. I dont know how much longer it can go this direction without any change.
If you were me, not having anything right now, being afraid of life what would you do? See a psychiatrist? Therapist? What can they do for me?