I need help or any suggestions from anybody on here on what to do in my situation. I have said parts of it on this site before but I will explain it again better.

I am 19 years old and I have had anxiety most of my life. I also had obsessive things I would do when I was a kid, and had a lot of anger and temper tantrums a lot. I went into a deep depression when I was about 14 years old, it actually started out kind of manic because I started out with lots of energy and helping people out and I would exercise all the time, but I wasnt happy at all. A few weeks later it got really bad and I stopped doing anything. I went to doctors and I was okay, but the psychiatrists said I had severe depression and anxiety. For the next 2 1/2 years I was on like 5 different medication and I was not myself at all, I didnt really see any good changes coming from it. I felt empty all the time on the pills and had bad sideffects like weight gain no sex drive.

I quit taking all medication about 2 1/2 years ago. The withdrawal was bad for like 2 weeks, but after that even with the depression coming back at least I felt more like myself. It was like that until about 9 months ago, I had a episode of extreme anxiety for 2-3 months and had panic attacks, it was horrible. I went to doctors again and they really couldnt find anything. The panic turned into more anxiety and episodes of psychosis with small panic attacks. I had to quit this little job that I had and quit driving, the panic stopped me from doing anything. I have been going to a counselor for 3 months now and he wants me to get back on medication, but Im against medication now and it did nothing good for me before. My life is really bad now and I hardly ever leave the house, I have bad insomnia I cant concentrate, I get irritated easily, Im not living at all anymore. I also have no energy, fatigue, dry skin and hair, sensitive to heat and cold, muscle and joint pain, and more.

What do you feel I should do? I dont want to take any medication anymore period. I have been thinking its a physical thing, but like I said I went to the doctors a few times and they tested a lot and couldnt find anything. I am just so tired of this and I cannot waste 5 more years of my life feeling like this. I have to do something now, I want to go out with my friends and go to parties and find a girl that I can love and be with, but it is literally impossible with how I feel now. Whatever is wrong with me has completely ruined my life for the past 5 years, please any advice or help will be good.