This happened to me three times: when my T's father was ill and died, when my T's mother was ill and died, and when my T's partner died suddenly. I felt abandoned, afraid, lonely, anxious, and depressed. I felt bad for her, and I couldn't help her. When she returned from one of these absences, she told the group I was in at the time (while also doing individual therapy with her) what had happened, in specifics, to her mother. I was not there that week, and I was kind of annoyed, but for no reason. I had thought that she wouldn't share with me what she had shared the previous week. But I was wrong to be annoyed; she did tell me at the next group meeting.

About three years ago, T developed bladder cancer. She really couldn't answer any of my questions, because it was all new to her, too! After complicated surgery, she developed an infection and so was unable to text with me for a longer period of time than she had anticipated. It was a real mess, with me apologizing and her admitting she could have told me in a nicer way that she was still very sick. I guess she was annoyed because she felt I was nagging, while all the time I was just freaking out about her health and she couldn't reassure me because SHE DIDN'T KNOW.

Fortunately she recovered and although she was out longer than expected, we worked out the issues.

Today she is leaving for a 2 week vacation. In 2.5 weeks, I am retiring from a job I've held since 1985. The week she comes back is not "my week" (I see her every two weeks.), but since this retirement came after me being gaslighted by my bosses, she urged me to text her the week she comes back, in case I'm not doing well; she will try to fit me in some where.

After I get through the anxiety of her vacation, we will turn to me grieving the end of my career, and the beginning of a new one (I am opening my own business.), and, as far as I know, those will be the big issues until it comes time for HER to retire. We are going to do EMDR (again) for some of my issues, and I will keep seeing her every two weeks.

Whenever she's taken vacation, she always tells me who is covering for her; I only have had to call the covering person twice in all the time we've worked together. T has always been available to me during significant periods of grief in my life, and I just have to hope nothing major happens during this vacation.

How else do I deal with it? I write: poems, letters, etc., and I look at all the good things in my life, and each day I get through, is one day closer to her returning home. I also come here for support, talk to friends online and off, do some anti-anxiety exercises, and try to get enough good sleep.

I understand how hard this can be. Make sure you eat nutritiously, hydrate, and get enough sleep. Good luck.