I talked to my brother just now. He's being super supportive which is most welcome. I finally let him know about feeling suicidal. He gave the standard response of, "don't do it, it's selfish." But at least he didn't belittle my feelings. It was a very good talk and I felt heard and supported. He even said he would help with my dogs if it came to it. If I come out of all of this OK, well even if I don't, I'm going to try to move and be closer the him and his family. They're all I have.

I feel a little better overall, but also a little down for being a burden on him and on you all. I guess that's the nature of my thinking though. I'm hoping that the doctor will listen to my concerns and get me some meds for my anxiety and for sleep. I know they come with their own side effects, but this is no way to live.

If you've read this can I ask that you at least give a thanks or something so I know. I hate to be so needy but I guess I am right now.

Thanks for reading.