I am so frustrated. I sat by the breakfast table and procrastinated about going to have a shower. I tried and tried to motivate myself, but could not find the energy to do it. I felt shame and despair. I wasn't a procrastinator originally. As a teenager, I went out of bed before my mother in the mornings because I wanted to clean my room. She always wanted to do that herself and I wanted the responsibility, so up I went and did "things". I could have mentioned the one situation after the other that showed that I was more than willing to do things.

I remembered the book about how to fight procrastination. I read some of the underlinings and the Psychologist Hayden Finch (2021) explained that it has nothing to do with laziness, but with how the brain has become used to functioning and that there will be setbacks when one starts fighting it (her book is about how to unwind these brain "complications"). She tells that there has been very little scientific research on procrastination earlier. It is first in the last ten years that science has taken it seriously.

Oh yes, there happened "things" in my life when I was middle aged, that was terrible and unbearable. This morning I felt comforted and accepted by this psychologist words, not lazy, and went to rest for one hour.

May be this is not interesting to read about for other people, but it gives me some kind of relief to write it down now when I remember it, and of course I hope that if there should be somebody else with the same problems reading this , they can start feeling less lazy.

For now I am having a cup of coffee and I have rearranged my plans. I will fill dishwasher first and then take my shower.

A good day to everyone! : throb: