I agree here. When my first husband died I didn’t think I would ever be able to function again. But with your son, @Lizzie1813 I think you need to grieve in the same way. Hopefully he will come back to you. But in the meantime, let yourself feel the pain and grieve. The only way out of emotional pain is through, honestly. And like Beth said, it feels like it will kill you but it will not.