i am sorry no one explained things to you when your mother was in the hospital. i am guessing no one comforted you either. that wasn't right. it must have felt so confusing and lonely and none of it was your fault.

when our carers fail us, it might help to try to find out why they were the way they were, and more importantly to know that that is not a reflection of your worth in this world. it might also help to try to find a way to care for yourself, even if it is in the smallest way.

please don't give up on life, not only for your dogs, but for yourself. you deserve to have a happy life.