This morning I watched the new Drag Race Allstars. I went quickly to the Asian market but my anxiety was too high to go anywhere else. I wanted to go other places but my anxiety was too tough and it was raining and very muggy. Our microwave didn’t get fixed today. It needs another part and the lady didn’t have it with her. So my mom got a counter top one from Walmart this morning. So at least I can fix my usual food now. But my anxiety is like a 15 out of 10 today. I only had one soda with caffeine. I didn’t get any iced tea or anything like I usually do. I took a Valium and it isn’t doing much.

So I’m not sure what to do. I want to go lie down in bed but I don’t want to spend all my time there every single day. The couple non med non TV coping skills I have I can only use at night and I’m starting to become dependent on them since I’ve been using them throughout the night for a few nights in row. But I’ve started to want to use them during the day and I just can’t do that.

So I’m once again just hanging on and not doing too good. I don’t want to email my therapist. That’s the last thing I want to do. I contacted eBay and they said they won’t get the stuff in until next week and then they will get it to me. So I guess that makes sense with the 7th arrival date I was given when I ordered it.

But I’m just seriously not sure what to do at this point. I know waiting for my doctor to call is majorly triggering my anxiety.

I set up the TV in my room. So now I can be comfortable in my own bed but still have the TV on. I took a 20mil Geodon and I may take a second Valium in a bit.