I am analyzing things with L. I asked for people to not analyze it here because that's not what I was looking for. I understand that I need to analyze it, tease out facts vs emotion, reality vs fantasy? or unrealistic expectations, and own my role in this. I don't need others here analyzing my dynamics with L which is what people have been doing. They are putting their own thoughts and feelings towards my personal situation. And to me that is not supportive especially since I never asked for it and even clearly stated multiple times to not do it.

There's also the fact that I don't share every little detail. For example, you all don't know that I allow L to look at some of my threads. You all don't know that I've already sent an email analyzing the whole dynamic of the situation. I tell you all the good things I'm doing, and it seems like you don't care. Most are just focused on my role or me playing victim. I accept my role. I accept my mistake. I allowed my sister into the relationship. I didn't take into account my desire for privacy and protecting my relationship from an unsafe family member. And like L, I got caught up in the excitement of the surprise. I didn't do it to test or "bait" L. I didn't do it out of harm or malice.

However, that's not why I was posting this thread. I wasn't looking for anyone to bash L. I wasn't wanting to end my relationship with her or to report her. She made a mistake. She's human. So am I!!! I just wanted to know how to move forward with broken trust. I have never done this. I don't know the process or if a positive outcome is possible. All I know from my history is writing off the person, disowning them. So I was looking for advice on how to cope. I was looking for support for my feelings. I just was trying to do my best to get through this is a healthy way.

But clearly no one is understanding that. I do not feel heard by the people analyzing my situation in their own opinions of it. I do not feel seen. And I do not feel supported.

I do thank all of you who haven't judged my situation, me, or L. She is a good person and a good therapist. I am going to continue to use my skills that L has taught me. I am determined to move forward with her and heal.