I’ve been languishing in bed in the morning. Not exact sleeping, just avoiding getting up. I’m not sure why. I’m not exactly anxious, I’m just finding it difficult to get up and get moving. It’s not fatigue either. I don’t know.

I talked to my dr about the compulsive eating problem I’m having. It’s been going on for at least a month. I’m physically more hungry and of course attracted more to chips and other high calorie salty snacks than fruits and vegetables. I thought maybe it was the seroquel. My dr added in naltrexone fir some reason. It’s mostly for substance use disorders but apparently can be used off label to offset the increased appetite while on antipsychotics. I’ve never heard of that before but whatever. I guess I’ll try it. I’m also going to force myself to portion out salty snack foods instead of mindlessly eating from the bag. I’m trying to find more high protein snacks to eat but it’s difficult because of my picky eating. That’s my own issue haha I must broaden my horizons.

I’m being discharged from program on august 18 and officially “returning to work” then. I put that in quotes because I work in a school so I don’t actually physically return to work until sept 1.

I’m afraid about this new covid variation. We’re probably still going to have to wear masks which I’m fine with. I’m just worried that it will get completely out of control again and my son’s school will close. I’m kind of screwed if that happens. My mom’s working again and so is the other person that was watching him last year. He doesn’t like the one e-learning camp I sent him to and the other is way out of my way on the way to work. I’m not sure I could get there in time. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

I received a phone call from the billing department from my back dr’s office. I was expecting to owe like a few hundred dollars. Turns out I owe $5100!!! I literally started crying on the phone with the person. If it was just that bill I’d be exasperated but that on top of the $4200 hospital bill and the $1500 outpatient bill just made me break down. If I have to pay $200 to each that’s almost half my income. But I just can’t worry about it. I just can’t. RS has said time snd time again that we will be married soon, we won’t have separate money anymore. I mean, as an assurance that he will help me pay for everything. He already pays half the bills but I just…I just feel like some things are my responsibility alone snd I’m losing my financial independence. It’s also knowing that I will never make a significant amount of money in what I do. I get raises but like fifty cents a year. I can’t do anything else like go back to teaching, it’s just too stressful. I just wish I could handle stress like other people can.