Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete
I think that if you want to stay with her, this is one of those things that you're just going to have to talk about until you feel okay about it. You might not ever feel okay about it. Hopefully, she's a good enough therapist that she can allow you to talk about it for as long as you need to without getting defensive about it. If you don't talk about it, it's going to fester and probably come out in other ways.
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I think this is exactly right. Sometimes stuff happens with a T, like they make a huge mistake and it cuts so deep that it’s not clear whether you will be able to get over it. And then you have the choice of continue with them or not. If you do continue, you kind of have to trust that either it will be okay or you’ll learn to be okay with the fact that it’s not okay.
I had a similar incident with my former T (what happened was very different but how deeply betrayed and upset I felt was similar) and though I don’t see her anymore (bc she retired, not over this issue) I still feel devastated by it some days.
I think it bodes well that L is so able to work on this with you. If it’s important for you to forgive her, it might help to think of her as a flawed human who makes dumb but hurtful mistakes sometimes. Like think about how we try to treat ourselves and each other with compassion for the bad decisions we’ve made and then think of her having a moment of fatigue or brain fog and crap judgement when she called your sister and then, when you’re ready, think of yourself being gentle with that not-the-greatest version of her.