Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
You're right, and I'm trying to remind myself of that: that she's human and will make mistakes. And the fact that she's human is a good thing. She's humble and very empathetic, owns her mistakes and tries to build from or correct them. And if the tables were flipped, I would hope that she gives me grace.
We've been exchanging emails today, and I'm feeling a lot better. Not that the pain or mistrust isn't gone, but that I really am feeling connected to her. We have both owned our part of the dance, and we both feel respected. I feel heard and seen by her. I even sent her a simple email saying that I love her. She replied that she loves me. I think the honesty and love are what's fueling the desires and trust to move forward.
I know she's not perfect. And I accept that. I know this was a mistake and not out of malice. She's not a bad person and is not a bad therapist. And I love and accept her for all her strengths, weaknesses, and quirks. She's accepted my worst, and I choose to accept her at hers.
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This sounds like you have already done the rational thinking about moving forward, and it sounds like you realize it is worth moving forward. My suggestion is to trust the logic; emotions can be deceptive. You know that: your emotions usually have had you run away from things. You didn't do that this time. That is growth.
One of the most important skills my therapist taught me was that I have a choice in how I react to a situation. You have rationally already made the choice, and it appears to be grounded in good introspection and fairness. Let the emotions go.
Sometimes in life we just have to let certain things go. I'm not saying excuse what she did. You have already had those conversations with your therapist. She's aware of your objections. You both have taken some concrete steps to prevent something like this from happening again. That's mature, rational, problem-solving. Let the rest go so you can move on. That's what I would call forgiveness - and this is the truly comforting kind of forgiveness where the other party has taken responsibility and worked to make amends. Let the hard feelings go.
In relationships that matter and that are healthy, sometimes we have to take a deep breath and make the decision to move forward rather than hold resentment for a particular situation. Healthy relationships can "move forward" because the healthy people in those relationships can see the true effort and caring that is worth letting some things sort of just wash away. You do seem to have a good therapist and this therapy relationship is much healthier than some of the ones you've had in the past. Breathe deeply, realize you've already forgiven, and recognize that through your discussion and problem-solving together, the issue does seem to be worked out. You just have to make the choice.