Dear T,

Thinking of you a lot right now, but also starting to feel like maybe I am coming out the other side of the hell of the last two weeks.

Pondering what the point of friends is, when I can't take them into the darkness with me, and wondering maybe whether it is to give us something to come out the other side for? Not sure really because when it feels like this I could throw all of my friends away and be quite glad of the solitude, but I also know that there are times now where I do enjoy the company and the feeling of friendship.

Your email was cryptic. Maybe it was cryptic because you just don't know what the future holds. Because you are thinking about what I have asked. Because you are trying to decide what to do with regards to our work. Maybe you haven't fully made your made up.... or am I in denial still.

In one sentence you say thank you to me for finding my way while it allows you to rest and tend to personal issues, and in another line you say you wish me all the best as I take steps on this new path.

To say I am confused about where we are and where we are going is an understatement. Clueless is probably a better word. Are you clueless too? I am going to keep trying to find someone to work with, because maybe you will never come back, but also because if I try as hard as I am trying, and it doesn't work out, maybe I can use that to help convince you to keep going with this.

I hope you are ok.

Love me x