My ex and I are in touch and very friendly. We text and occasionally call each other. We also are in occasional touch with each other family members (some). But we share a child and he is the father of my daughter’s siblings. So we are important to each other. We will be seeing each other in two weeks at our daughters wedding. My ex husband is not a threat to my current marriage as we have zero feelings for each other. and my husband knows it. I would not be willing to alter my friendship with my ex and if my husband had an issue with that, he’d have to figure out how to come to term with it. But my husband actually likes my ex.

Having said that, if we had no children together we would not keep in touch. I am sure we wouldn’t.

Now if your husband and his ex keeping in touch bothers you, he is the one to address it with. It’s not her job to make sure you are respected or disrespected. It’s his job. He is the one married to you. So if you feel disrespected it’s on him to work on it. Just because she calls and asks for things, it doesn’t mean he must comply. He is free to not go along with it. It sounds like they are both ok with this arrangement.

As what’s normal… whatever people think is normal. Your husband and his ex find it normal. Many people find such arrangement abnormal. So it’s very individual. Now her calling his mom isn’t something you could or should control. But him being in constant touch with ex might need to stop as it’s clearly uncomfortable for you and it’s a bit weird as they had no kids. I’d bring it up with him and make it his responsibility. Not hers.