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I saw a psychiatrist at a teaching hospital in 2016 where I was treated in the past (and misdiagnosed). She diagnosed me with bipolar spectrum disorder, autism spectrum disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. The last two diagnoses I agree with.
The bipolar disorder diagnosis doesn't quite describe my illness, specifically the one I had in my mid twenties. Before I developed psychosis I was depressed, to the point where I was neglecting my health. My mood improved in the summer, but that fall strange things starting happening that gradually worsened and sent me into another dimension.
A doctor prescribed Paxil in October of that year. Within a few days I was suicidal, which I wasn't before I started taking the drug. I ended up in Emergency, where I was referred to the 4 North psychiatric outpatient clinic. There I saw a psychiatrist who told me I was just seeking attention and that I had personality issues. After that visit I vowed never go to Emergency for psychiatric problems, ever. So far I have kept my word.
About 6 months after that visit a social worker at a community health center got me help without requiring a hospital stay. I was prescribed olanzapine. It gradually returned me to this reality. It was the first time a medication worked for me.
The illness I had developed gradually. It caused a lot of restlessness and anger, along with the hallucinations and bizarre thinking I would experience. I would go on long walks at night, to get it out of me. Sometimes I would scream and pace. It took everything out of me to suppress the mysterious rage I had. I never experienced that before. - Does anyone know what this is?
When I was 18 I had Prozac induced mania with psychosis. This illness developed over days. I ended up in the hospital. After that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I never agreed with the label since it was drug induced.
I often wonder what I had in my mid twenties. My present psychiatrist doesn't agree with her colleague's opinion. She thinks I had psychotic depression or first episode psychosis. I wish I had a label that described my experience. - I envy all you who fit nicely in a diagnosis. You get treated with respect, while someone like me is treated like dirt and left to wonder.
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Dx: Didgee Disorder
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