I self harmed for the first time in months, but the thing is that it doesn't even hurt enough.

Two year anniversary of my grandmother's death is coming up in 6 days.

I spent most of today struggling with suicidal thoughts and I feel so done.

PC always used to be my safe space but even here I've just been feeling disconnected, like I can't relate to it all anymore.

No idea how many days since I last had a session with you. I feel like I just repeated a pattern I've carried out since I was a child. Get super attached/ obsessed, then watch everything go down in flames.

Am I glad that I spent so many hours obsessing over you? No.