Straight nosedive. I woke up extremely tense and anxious because it was 9:20 and I could hear RS washing dishes. I have a thing about cleaning, stems from childhood, but every time RS is cleaning and I’m not I get very anxious and worried he’s going to be upset. Especially on weekend mornings because he just naturally wakes up way earlier than me. It’s a whole thing that’s not worth getting into on here but I jumped out of bed, took a shower, and tried to sit down to get my head on straight but I could only make it 5 minutes before the guilt and fear overwhelmed me so I jumped up to clean the guinea pig cages to prove I was doing something. He’s never gotten upset with me for not cleaning but I haven’t been able to shake the feelings yet.

After that I just felt like my mind was shooting all over the place. It was already 11:00am when we decided to get something to eat, which of course is brunch time and also church people time so it took us awhile to find somewhere that didn’t have a super long wait. He asked me where I wanted to go and I just said “I’m totally paralyzed please just pick something”. The restaurant we chose didn’t have a long wait but it was very busy and so loud! The noise was overwhelming.

My son went to his coding lesson and we went home and I planned the week’s meals and made a grocery list. We did go to the store but I freaked out in there too because there were so many people. We just didn’t time anything right! I gave up on a few items because I just had to leave ASAP.

I’m kinda like anxious but also “shut down” right now. I want to go to bed and listen to music but I know it will just make things worse. I’m scanning my skills box in my mind. I feel like I need to “wrap up”. I need a blanket and my unicorn but I’m embarrassed to bring it out. I feel like a child.