So I'm on the therapist hunt again. I went to see a lady today for an initial taster session.

As I walked in there was a very loud barky dog, which put me on edge as I am scared of dogs.
I had emailed her prior to the session, saying that I struggle to verbalise things. That I am looking to work in a creative way, using writings, drawings, play etc. She just replied saying "....I suggest you book a taster session...." So I did.

I sat down in the chair and froze. Like I always do. I can't move, I can't talk, I can't look at them. She said "so this is a taster session for supervision?"

Oh my goodness, really? You don't even know why I am here!?!

No, I shook my head. "Ok, she said, this is a taster session for counselling." Then she was asking how I planned to communicate with her. Did I have a way of communicating. Questions. No time for settling. No help to get grounded. No soothing gentle voice. I was clearly struggling so she just said "would it help if I outlined how I work?" I nodded yes.

Well, I'm not sure she explained how she worked at all! She just said that she was a supervisor for lots of local counsellors (heaven help them!) So she took her supervision "off the patch". She wittered on about counselling being confidential and the times she needs to break confidentiality. She said she was a senior accredited member of the BACP. And that was about that I think.

Excuse me if I am wrong, but nowhere in there is an explanation of how she works?!?

Anyway, I wrote on my clipboard "I am absolutely terrified" followed by "your computer is very noisy", the latter one to try and break the tension that I could feel building up. To try and lighten the mood.

Well, maybe I touched a nerve, because her next words were "well, if you are absolutely terrified then maybe it is best if you leave now. This is the environment that I work in and it probably isn't a good match for what you are looking for".

Holy moly. I've never been kicked out of a therapy session before, let alone after just 6 minutes!! I wanted to tell her it was her that was terrifying me, and that she clearly had no idea about the effects of trauma, or how to calm people down, how to help people to feel safe etc.

In all of the counsellors that I have seen and interviewed (15-20 I reckon), she is by far the worst. I'm fortunate that I am not seriously suicidal right now and I am fortunate that I do have a basic support structure. I am fortunate that I do know that there are kind, compassionate, gentle, understanding therapists out there who can help to make me feel safe in the space. Who can accommodate my inability to talk. Who can find a way.

If I had gone to her 6 years ago goodness only knows where that experience today would have left me.

I have every intention of reporting this to the BACP I think. I would contact her to express my disatisfaction, but honestly I would be very very fearful of her response.

Wow, just wow!!